Sex and Social Media :: Turn It Off To Turn It On

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This Valentine’s Day week, we have a series of posts dedicated to love, marriage, and sex. This series is brought to you by our partners at A New You Counseling


So often we get caught up in trying to engage with our followers that we forget to engage with our spouse. It’s easy to climb into bed after a long day and open Instagram. Scroll through Facebook to see what posts you’ve missed. Or turn on Netlfix. I would be lying if I said I don’t enjoy binge watching anything rated over PG once the kids fall asleep. But before I know it two hours have passed like seconds, and my husband is asleep. Did we even say goodnight?

sex and social media, turn if off to turn it on, ABQ Moms
Is social media ruining your sex life?

If social media is the first thing you check when you wake up and before you go to bed, there might be problem. Those countless hours scrolling could be time spent reconnecting with your spouse. Lord knows we all lead hectic lives and our relationships get put on the back burner. When you have kids running around and work calls coming in, the last thing on your mind is how many times you’ve kissed your significant other that day.

But why is that the last thing on our minds? Shouldn’t it be the first? When did we decide that quickly scrolling through posts when we have a sec is more important than pulling a quickie? YES! I said it. Remember those? 

When our eyes are glued to our phones, we might fail to see how much time we really have to be intimate with our spouse. We blame it on work, kids, and chores when we have no one to blame but our phones. Social media can hinder your relationship without your realizing it. You start comparing your relationships to others. You see grand romantic gestures and become jealous of what you THINK other people have. Or you can find yourself fantasizing about someone else.

Your sex life may be dwindling because you have brought a third wheel to bed: your phone. A phone or a constant connection to social media can make your significant other feel unworthy of your time, forgotten, and cheated on. All it takes is one second to spark up a conversation with your partner or slide your feet to the other side of the bed. When did it become okay to neglect our husbands, but heaven forbid we neglect a blog post? What if your bed were a phone free zone?

If your sex life is lousy, or even non existent, and you think it may be related to social media, I have a few tips that can help!

Step 1. Ditch the Phone!

Never bring your phone into bed. It can be distracting and take away from an opportunity to engage with each other. Leave your phone charging on a dresser or in the kitchen. Out of sight, out of mind. Your hands will be free to do as they please.

Step 2. Keep it Fresh!

Instead of strategically planning your next post or editing a photo, take that extra time to plan a fun and exciting meet up between you and him. Get creative. Take advantage of kids being at school, nap time, or lunch breaks. If there is no safe place other than the bathroom, the bathroom it is. It will make for a fantastic story and definitely spice things up. 

Step 3. Role Play!

Yes, a lot of us aren’t open when it comes to talking about sex, but we all have our fantasies. Make them happen! Who better to make them happen with other than your significant other. Watching “You” ain’t getting YOU anywhere, girl. And those posts with a million red roses stacked on counter tops are most like sponsored ads. Be honest. If it’s roses you want, tell him! Be open to trying new things. You are not the only one lacking in that department. It takes two. Literally. Speak up and say what you need. You may have to step out of your comfort zone a few times, but it will totally be worth it! 

Keep your phones out of the bedroom and the sparks will fly! 


Are you . . .

  • In a loving relationship but feel that the two of you speak different languages?
  • Frustrated that communication between the two of you frequently goes wrong?  
  • Often feeling as if your ‘”needs” fall on deaf ears in your relationship?  
  • Are you cohabiting but not feeling like you are “clicking” with one another anymore? 

If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these, then you may want to consider couples counseling at A New You Counseling. It may be comforting to know that few people are actually educated on the complexities of having successful relationships.  It’s OK to seek strategies, tools, and skills to help you and your significant other cultivate a successful relationship. 


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sex and social media, turn it off to turn it on, ABQ Moms