As a new mom I’ve received plenty of advice over the past year.
Some of it was asked for and other bits not so much. Everyone loves to give their advice to new moms. And thank goodness! It’s an overwhelming time and there is so much you don’t know.
Sometimes new moms post on social media asking for help.
This is great! I love when we work together to help each other in motherhood.
But as someone who is fresh out of this first year can I make an observation?
There are some things you just shouldn’t say to a new mom when she’s asking for advice.
Many times you mean well. Sometimes you’re just trying to be funny. But when a mom is frustrated and reaching out for help there are some things that just won’t make her feel better.
So here are three things to avoid saying when a new mom asks you for advice.
Sarcastic Comments
A few weeks ago a mom shared how she was incredibly frustrated by her daughter’s behavior. I could tell by this mom’s post that she was at her wits’ end and just exhausted.
She asked if anyone had advice to help her out.
The first comment said “duct tape”…
Obviously this person was just joking. Maybe they were trying to lighten the mood. But as someone who has been there recently this is the last thing you want to see.
A mom that has taken the time to post on Facebook is often desperate for help and advice.
It’s probably not the best time to make those kinds of jokes. They won’t do anything to help her feel better. Instead try to offer some helpful advice or just refrain from posting.
“It’s amazing my kids survived…”
I totally get this one. I do.
So much changes in motherhood through the years. Social situations are different. Medical advice that you followed isn’t the recommendation anymore. And it sometimes feels like you’re being told you did it all wrong.
But the reality is this is a good thing!
We learn new things every day. Thank goodness we have some of those new guidelines for parents!
I’m grateful for car seats that protect my daughter as we drive. I’m glad there are professionals working hard to continue finding what is safest for our children.
A new mom doesn’t need to feel like she is stupid for worrying about things that weren’t a concern in the past.
Instead just honestly share what worked for you with your kids. Or if the mom’s question is related to new guidelines feel free to ask about them!
“It’s just a phase…”
As one of my friends told me it might be true but saying it doesn’t do anything to encourage that mom in the season she has found herself in.
My daughter will eventually stop throwing food off her high chair. She will someday (God willing) learn to use her words instead of screaming at me to get what she wants.
That doesn’t mean I can’t do things in the meantime to make life a bit more enjoyable for us both.
Even though it is age-appropriate for her to throw food, I can still try to teach her how to communicate that she is finished with her meal. (Thank goodness for baby sign language!) All babies cry and scream for what they want but that doesn’t mean I have to give in and give it to her just because it’s a phase.
One of our jobs as moms is to help our children learn to communicate, deal with their emotions, and teach them how to behave.
Even during those “phases” I want to choose actions and responses that will help me deal with the frustration and help my daughter learn better ways to respond.
I know that one day I will probably find myself saying these things as well.
Recommendations will change. My daughter will have a whole new set of ways to raise her own children. And I will pull out these well-used phrases that I heard a thousand times my first year of motherhood.
But I hope that I will instead pause and remember how it felt when I was that same tired, frustrated, overwhelmed mama.
I hope I will choose to give my best advice when I have it and a hug when I don’t. And I hope that will make all the difference to her.
