Losing My Mother to Cancer

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Sixth grade. A time of new schools, new crushes, life-changing, and cancer? Not your typical beginnings to the teenage years, but they were mine.

I was in the 6th grade when my mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer.

I remember a lot of hushed conversations at first. Then one day, on the way to her classroom to set up for the new year, she told me. She had cancer. It was pretty serious. Surgery. Radiation. I cried in the supply closet because I was trying to be strong for her. She went through the steps and was deemed “all clear,” but there are no cures for cancer.

lost mother to cancerA few years later, her hip started hurting. I just thought my mom was getting older, but it turns out that I should’ve been WISHING my mom was just getting older. The cancer had come back with a vengeance this time. It had spread all over. She went through chemo, lost her hair,  got sick, and became this frail woman right in front of me. And then, in a flash, she was gone. She had fought so hard, but the cancer was so strong.

As the teenager I was, I was selfish. I didn’t want to lose my mom. I didn’t want to have my future life moments ruined. I was 16 and so focused on what I was losing.

As a mother myself, I realize now how painful and heartbreaking it must’ve been for her to know that she was leaving me to grow up without her. To get married without her. To raise a baby without her. It breaks my heart.

I look at my sweet little boy and desperately wish that he had his Gram here to watch him get into trouble. To tell him he can have that extra brownie. To watch Tom and Jerry with. To give him all the hugs and cuddles.

But I also see her in my parenting choices. I hear her in my voice as I sing with him and teach him things. She made her impact on me. She taught me how to be a mother.

Losing my mom also gave me an incredible new outlook on life. It is beyond short. And no one knows when their time is up.

Because of this, I have since decided to stay home and raise my baby. It’s been a challenging decision, but so worth it. I don’t want to miss a single moment. Because life is short and making each day count is all I can do to make sure I live life to its fullest. To be the best mom I can be, and to live life like my mama would want me to.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. My hope is to find a cure someday so that no one has to lose a mother, daughter, grandmother, or aunt to breast cancer ever again.


About Our Guest Writer

Joni Love-Mullins is a 25-year-old stay-at-home mom to a mischievous one-year-old boy. She and her husband met in high school and have 5 fur babies along with their son. She graduated from UNM with a BS in biochemistry and a BA in psychology but is focusing on raising her son and enjoying every moment with him. She lives in Los Lunas and is proud to call New Mexico her home.

Joni Love-Mullins

 

Originally published October 2019

The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.