After becoming a parent/caregiver, did you find yourself with extra internal and/or external pressure to be perfect, in the box, and proper? Do you feel you lost a sense of yourself? Here’s my take on why it’s important to let yourself be authentic and sometimes even weird!
When I was growing up, I remember my mom being a typical “super” mom. She ran three kids to and from their school and activities, worked full time, did aerobics twice a week (at least!), kept our house clean, and kept our mouths fed. She was incredible, but she was also miserable. Any glimpses of silliness or fun were very short-lived, and usually only occurred on vacations.
She passed away from breast cancer when I was 22 just as I was getting to know her better as a fellow adult. I wish I had seen more of her personality and not just a dutiful mother who made sure we had all we needed.
Being Weird Lets My Kid Know Me
Flash forward 10 years, and I became a mother myself. My immediate response was to become “dutiful” as well. I began to lose touch with myself and lose my love for life. My marriage was suffering, and I knew I needed to make a change. I realized how much perfectionism I had put on myself.
Even further, I thought about whether my daughter would know me as who I am or just as a grumpy, productivity machine. I wanted her to feel accepted for all of her little quirks, silly jokes, and adorable songs. What if I let my inner weirdo out as well?
Surprise Discovery
What was the result? My kid became much happier! I might have skipped the dishes that night, but the smile on her face was much more important.
I also found my creativity returning and becoming more fluid as it was not stifled anymore. My weirdness just created a more loving space for my daughter to let herself be creative as well!
Weird Is the New Cool
I spoke to two local mothers I respect, especially because they allow themselves to be “weird” by, for example, breaking out in song with me at a moment’s notice. They shared a bit about why they let themselves be free:
“I feel like I’m always (in one way or another, either subtly or explicitly) trying to impress upon my kids that there is no normal. Like what you like and dive into it, don’t hide it from anyone. I *try* to model being confident in what I like whether it’s mainstream or weird in the hopes that they would do the same.” – Jessica M.
Letting yourself be authentic gives your child or children unspoken approval to be themselves. In fact, it can often create more empathy and understanding between yourself and your child at their current age. It can sometimes be difficult for a child to approach a stoic, totally put-together grownup.
“Just try to get more on her level and try to remember what I was like at her age. So I dance and be silly and allow her to express herself in her clothing and life choices.” -Astacia B.
Being a Weirdo Is More Fun
Life can seriously be mundane at times, especially as a parent. Letting yourself flow into your quirks and little “weird” interests can make life so much more enjoyable.
So I invite you, as a caregiver, to also let yourself stay young at heart. Your kids will find deeper connections with you as well as give themselves permission to be freely themselves.
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
Tori, I LOVE THIS! This sentence really hit home: “I thought about whether my daughter would know me as who I am or just as a grumpy, productivity machine.” Thank you for the permission I didn’t know I needed!
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