He, She, They :: Expanding My Knowledge About Gender Pronouns

I have to admit that I didn’t get it. In the past year, I’ve seen an increased use of gender pronouns in Zoom calls, email signature lines, and social media.

She/Her/Hers, He/Him/His, They/Them/Theirs

They are all familiar words, but I had no clue what they meant or how to use them correctly. “Gender identification,” “non-binary,” and “transgender” are all terms I’ve heard, but I didn’t quite understand.

During Pride Month, my workplace hosted events, shared articles, and provided resources to expand our knowledge. Fortunately, these events helped me learn to become a better ally to my colleagues and create an inclusive environment. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable expressing themselves as they are. 

Recently, I attended an event that featured a TED Talk by Hannah Fons: Neither He, Nor She, But Me. Hannah, who uses the pronouns she/they, defines terms and shares her story of growing up feeling alone in a world where no one looked like her. As a mother, hearing that someone can grow up with this innate feeling that they are different but feel unable to express it makes my heart ache.

I decided to grow and expand my knowledge.

Being an ally at work is a start, but more importantly, I want to teach my children how to love and accept others. In order to do this, I know that I have to learn, understand, and grow. For me, it started with learning the terms, adding them to my vocabulary, and understanding gender pronouns. Colorado Springs Mom has a great resource: Understanding Gender Identity, Gender Expression and Sexual Orientation

Now that I understand the vocabulary, I’m learning to use it. Here are some tips I’ve found helpful.

Ask 

Just like I ask a person their name, I can ask their pronouns. It shows I am sincere and willing to understand.

Respect

If someone has shared their pronoun, I respect their identity and use it.

Practice

It might be different and uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier with practice. Another tip: calling someone by their name is a safe bet.

Accountability

We all make mistakes especially when we’re new to something. That’s okay. It’s going to happen. If I make a mistake, I will be accountable and make amends. I might even ask a friend to point out when I make a mistake so I am aware.

What’s Next

Moving forward, I’ll continue to listen to those willing to share their stories. Listening to others express their feelings, struggles, and triumphs reminds me that we are all human, deserving of love and acceptance. I’ll continue to grow and expand my knowledge and self-awareness. I’ll ask questions and have conversations even when they are uncomfortable. I’ll practice the terms and try to use them correctly. And, if I make a mistake, I will take ownership and try again.

Sharing the stories I’ve heard and the knowledge I’ve gained with my children will be next. Now that I get it, I can formulate the words to have a conversation with my children. I have a feeling that they might find this conversation silly since children tend to love and accept others quite easily.

I invite you to learn more about resources in our area! Check out the following:

ABQ Pride

LGBTQA Resource Center at UNM

Organizations that support the LGBTQIA+ community in our area

Originally published July 2021.

The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.