Don’t Let Fear Keep You (or Your Kids) From the Good Stuff!

1

“I don’t know how to play soccer. I don’t want to do it,” my five-year-old told me. Vivienne runs fast. She’s coordinated. She makes running look fun. Her fear shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did.

“Of course you don’t know how to play soccer. You’ve never done it before. That’s how you learn!” I encouraged her.

As soon as these words of wisdom left my mouth, I wondered if I were actually practicing what I preach.

Am I engaging in life in ways that scare me? Or am I complacent and content to do things that only feel comfortable?

fear | Albuquerque Moms Blog

In Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting, one of the keys that really stood out to me was talking to our kids about times in our life where we’ve failed or been anxious or scared. Children often view their parents as impervious to the feelings that they experience: feeling left out, being made fun of, experiencing the first day of school, or trying something new only to fail at it.

But if we share our stories with them it helps create connection.

Oddly enough, Brene Brown did not consult me when writing her book. If she had, I would also add that letting your child know they aren’t alone can remove some of the “victim” mentality that we all wallow in from time to time. We can walk through their fear with them and help them understand that they aren’t powerless in situations. They get to choose how they respond and react. Despite what the other person does.

When I told Vivienne that everyone is usually scared the first time they try something, I didn’t have her full attention. But when I told her that I still get scared trying new things, she perked up and started asking questions.

“What were you scared to try, mommy?” she asked.

“I was scared to try mountain biking for the first time. And it still makes me a little nervous every time I ride.”

This was news to her. And it made me wonder:

How many things do I choose not to do because I’m afraid I’ll fail at them?

This past weekend a friend invited me to go horseback riding with her. I wasn’t able to go, but I’m embarrassed to admit that I was slightly relieved because I’m not an expert horse rider. Not even close. I like horses, but I know there is a skill to riding and I’ve never had the opportunity to learn it.

How many things do I tell myself I don’t really want to do when I’m really just too scared to try?

Taking a dance class at our gym terrified me the first time I tried it. I’ve never had formal dance lessons. I stood in the back of the class and felt completely and totally lost the first ten times I went. Yes, it was mildly embarrassing, but I keep on trying. Laughing at my mistakes helped. Eventually I went from the back of the class up to the front–not because I became an exceptional dancer, but because I gave myself grace to mess up.

What wonderful things in life will we miss out on because of fear?

I don’t know if it’s my personality or if everyone does this, but I can come up with great reasons not to do things simply out of fear of the unknown. What if I’m not good enough? Or what if I look like an idiot? What if I fail? What if someone is counting on me and I let them down? The list is endless.

Our children need us to understand their concerns when they’re about to try something new. When we’re encouraging our kids to try something for the first time, let’s make sure that we are demonstrating courage ourselves.

Let’s be real enough to tell our stories to little ears and hearts that need to know we understand them. Don’t let fear keep you from the good stuff!

1 COMMENT

  1. Awesome Truth! It’s amazing to me how as we just get real & transparent it touches hearts. And helps heal ours! Reflections ?

Comments are closed.