So your parents are getting divorced. But you aren’t a child that is shuffled from house to house, you’re an adult and a mom. What does this mean for you and your children? How will your family traditions pass on? How will your family dynamics change now that your parents are no longer together? This can be a confusing and difficult time, but there are a few things that can help you get through it.
Allow Yourself to Feel All of Your Feelings
It doesn’t matter your age, your parent’s divorce is going to bring up difficult and unpleasant emotions. Some people experience anger, hurt, and betrayal. Some people experience relief, ambivalence, or even happiness.
You might feel silly, feeling all torn up when you’re an adult (and a mom!) and don’t live at home, but if you don’t allow yourself to feel these things, resentment may simmer beneath the surface. You are allowed to feel how you feel. Journaling, long talks, and walks are all good for processing these emotions. It’s normal to have all sorts of emotions.
Set Boundaries
When you’re a child, you often don’t get as much say when your parents divorce. As an adult and a mom, you can set boundaries with your parents. You get to decide how and when you introduce your parents’ significant others to your children. You get to decide who spends time with your children and who spends time in your home. If setting boundaries is difficult or new to you, here are some resources to help you get started:
Keep in mind that this new dynamic is new for everyone. It’s going to take some time to get to a place that makes sense. Give yourself and your parents grace.
Get a Support System Outside of Your Family
You need a support system. Everyone needs support in a situation like this. Whether that support comes from your church, your neighbors, your friends, or a therapist, it’s important to have support outside of your family. People that aren’t in your family can provide a different perspective and help you work through difficult issues. Try looking up local mom groups in your area. If you think you might need a therapist but aren’t sure, this article may help.
If your parents divorce when you’re an adult, it’s a whole different ballgame. Learning to see your parents as individuals, instead of a couple, takes time–and it can be painful. Maybe your kids won’t play in your parents’ backyard and maybe you won’t all be together for big holidays, but that doesn’t mean that your kids won’t have meaningful relationships with their grandparents.
The only thing constant in life is change, and it often comes as a surprise. Learning to navigate your parents’ divorce as a mom can be difficult, but you will learn and grow and come out stronger than before.
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
