4 Ways You Can Help NICU Parents

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Help NICU Parents from Albuquerque Moms Blog

In the United States, 380,000 babies are born prematurely each year (before 37 weeks); that’s one in 10 births. The needs of NICU parents and the parents of preemies are different in some ways to the needs of parents of full-term infants. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to understand those needs. 

November is Prematurity Awareness Month, and if you know someone with a premature baby or a baby in the NICU, there are ways you can help. 

My NICU Story 

My water broke suddenly at 34 weeks (at 2:15 in the morning), the reasons for which I’m not sure I’ll ever know. Our daughter was born six weeks early, and her first year was as difficult as it was wonderful. 

It took me almost a year to be able to look at pictures we took during our daughter’s time in the NICU. And I still cry whenever I talk about it. Leaving her to go home to sleep was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. We spent almost her entire first year cloistered at home. And her first two months after she came home were full of almost-daily doctors’ appointments, OT appointments, and visits from her home-care nurse. We did everything we could to keep her healthy. Unfortunately, not everyone understood the whys or hows of what we had to do. We didn’t always receive the respect or help we needed when we needed it the most. 

How to Help NICU Parents

So, based on our experience, here are four things you can do to help NICU parents and the parents of premature babies in your life:

1. Be Understanding

This is perhaps the most important thing you can do to help NICU parents and the parents of preemies. I can’t tell you how many people that first year told my husband and me that we were being overprotective, too anxious (my anxiety notwithstanding), and too careful. I even received a few sneers at our efforts.

What people didn’t understand, whether they were trying to help or not, was that we had been told, in no uncertain terms, by every doctor, nurse, home care nurse, OT, and NICU mom that we had to do everything we could to keep our daughter from getting sick.

Our measures included, but weren’t limited to: limiting visitors, making sure no one was around her who was sick; had been sick; or had been around someone who had been sick; keeping her at home; taking our shoes and coats off as soon as we got home; washing our hands and using hand-sanitizer before we or anyone else held her, etc. 

Please, if the parents of a preemie ask you to do (or not do) any of the above, be understanding and respectful of their wishes. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with keeping their child safe. Please realize they are going through something difficult, they are scared, they feel cut off from the world, and things are difficult at the moment. 

2. Offer to Buy Groceries or Food

 I was at the hospital all day every day. My husband split his time between working and spending time with our daughter and me. We often left the house at 6:30 am and didn’t get home until 8 pm (or later.) It was difficult to find time to buy groceries or to buy food at all, and we didn’t have the money (or the stomachs) to eat out for every single meal. 

I was so grateful when someone offered to buy food for us, be it groceries, a meal delivery service (Blue Apron, etc.), or a gift certificate to a healthier restaurant chain we could pick up. You can also do things like making sandwiches or putting snacks together.

3. Ask What they Need 

Between the hospital and the doctors’ visits, taking care of our preemie was the only thing we could focus on. Sometimes I didn’t even know what I needed, but I can’t tell you how much I appreciated when someone would ask me how they could help. Sometimes it was food, or checking in on the dogs, or an offer to do a load of laundry. Sometimes I just needed someone to talk to. Mostly, it made me feel supported and cared for. 

But, please, ask first. Dealing with an unexpected visitor just adds to the stress. 

4. Give Some Clothes 

We had a ton of clothes from our baby shower, but our daughter was so tiny, it took several months before she fit into even newborn onesies. Everything we brought for her was too big and only got in the way of her wires and tubes and IVs and monitors. 

Clothes can be a big help to NICU parents. Carter’s makes onesies specifically for preemies, and there are charities like The Angel Gown® Program and The Preemie Project that donate specially-made clothing for NICU babies. 

If you don’t have any preemies in your life but want to help, you can donate to:

  • The March of Dimes, which helps raise awareness and money for research on prematurity.
  • Madelyn’s Fund, which provides financial support for NICU families.
  • Huggies® No Baby Unhugged program, which starts hugging programs for preemies at hospitals, donates special diapers for preemies and micro preemies, and provides diapers for those who can’t afford them.

There are also many groups out there who knit or sew blankets and hats to keep preemies warm. One of the most moving gifts I received was a simple knitted hat someone who didn’t even know us or our daughter knitted to keep her warm. I keep that hat in a special place. 

What have you given to preemies or their parents to help out? Preemie mothers, do you have anything to add to this list? Tell us below!