I have had 2 1/2 years of getting used to the term stay-at-home mom. It is now who I am. I am used to the good and the bad that go along with the job, the long hours, the lack of personal space and time. But with the stay at home orders of recent in effect, I have found a new stay-at-home title in my life–that of my marriage.
We have our issues just like everyone, but oftentimes my husband and I are a cringeworthy couple.
We are always touching. We text all day long. I tell him the second he leaves the house that I miss him. It has been a dream–that I never thought would be an actual reality–to be home with him all day, every second.
We are in what I think is the thick of this thing and being at home with him 24/7 no longer feels like a dream.
Why? Because having a stay-at-home marriage is similar to being a stay-at-home mom. Right now, marriage is on, all day long, every waking hour. There’s no personal space, no escaping, no time to miss each other.
Marriage is hard.
People always told me this and naively brushed it aside. Unique to this time in all our lives, we are confronted with issues daily that are not going anywhere. There’s no work to distract us, social time with friends in which to vent, going to the gym to clear our head, or date nights out on the town. We have come head to head with our problems and quarantine without a doubt is making us face them.
Maybe this is a side effect of going through the emotional roller coaster that is quarantine. Or maybe this is divine intervention taking away all the distraction and forcing a change. Maybe I’ve had too much time on my hands and my mind is going crazy.
Either way, lasting these next weeks without a plan, might end up worse than better.
We are a stay-at-home marriage. Just like motherhood, it’s hard, it’s messy, and it’s an all day long thing. And just like self-care is important to any mom, couple-care is important in a marriage. How can we couple-care?
- Listen to a marriage podcast together, read a book, read a blog, and discuss how you can relate this to your marriage.
- Give yourselves space. Find something once a day where you can collect your thoughts. (Baths are really good for this.)
- Speak honestly. We have nowhere to physically hide. Maybe we can commit to break away from hiding emotionally.
- Give each other (and yourself!) grace. These are unprecedented times and situations. Emotions are wild. We might say or do something we don’t mean.
- Remember what your core marriage values are. Faith, family, trust, love, wherever you fall, come back to that and let it take you through your problem
When we said our vows, there was no stay-at-home clause, no promising to share work spaces and allow adequate alone time. This may be something now to add in for future vows. But for now, here we are. Stay-at-home marriage is our new reality and this mama knows a thing or two about staying at home.
If your marriage is struggling, many therapists and marriage counselors are meeting with clients virtually right now. There are many options out there, but one couples counselor ABQ Mom has worked with in the past is A New You Couples Counseling.
If you are experiencing abuse in your marriage, please reach out for help. There are many resources available to help victims of domestic violence in the Albuquerque area. You can find them here.
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