When my husband and I got engaged, we received the book The Five Love Languages. We were eager to dive in and see what it was all about. The book explains that you and your partner receive love in different ways and your love is measured by a tank. When your love tank is full, all is right in the world. Making sure your partner’s love tank is full is something that needs continuous tending to.
Being in love and living together is completely different than expressing love for each other. Knowing exactly what makes your partner FEEL loved is a game-changer. The five expressions of love the book covers are receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch.
Here is a very short recap of each one:
Something that you can hold in your hand and say, “Wow, they were thinking of me.” A tangible item.
Spending undivided attention with your partner. Going on a walk, going out to dinner, or playing games together.
Acts of Service
An expression of love by doing. Doing things for your partner that help them out. You have to have a good attitude about it, or it isn’t an expression of love :-). This includes running errands, doing the dishes, vacuuming, etc.
Words of Affirmation
Giving lots and lots of compliments. Building that person up and showing them that you appreciate them.
Touching, kissing, and holding hands all fall into the category of physical touch. Even if you walk by your partner in your home and you touch his shoulder, if his primary love language is physical touch, it would mean the world to them.
After we read the book and did the quiz, we were surprised that our results were the same! We acted on those immediately and could totally tell a difference at the beginning of our marriage. We were both super happy because our love tanks were full!
Over the 8 years we’ve been married, we have taken the Five Love Languages test a few times. We just recently did it again and were shocked that my husband’s results completely flipped.
When my husband’s came up as quality time and physical touch, I looked at him with tears rolling down my eyes. And I said, “Wow. I have failed you. I am so sorry.” I was able to take that, set some boundaries with my other work, and make sure I focus more on him and spend that quality time with him. It has been good to know and re-check these every once in a while when you feel like something is “off.”
You can take your quiz here. Comment below and tell us what your primary and secondary love languages are.
Originally published February 2018
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