Marriage can be stressful, especially with kids in the mix. Here’s a few weird and random things my husband and I do (or don’t do) that help make it less stressful:
1. We do not share blankets on the bed.
Actually, we don’t even have a comforter on our bed. We only have our individual blankets. I know we have all played the middle of the night tug of war and someone wakes up freezing and the other cozied up with the covers to themselves.
Get your own blankets. Seriously. Forget the decorative comforter and tug of war fights and get yourself some cozy rest. Afraid that it will interfere with intimacy? It won’t. You can just as easily throw two blankets off to the side for that!
2. We don’t do gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, or Christmas.
If gift giving or receiving is your love language, this one may not be for you, but for us, it has made marriage so much less stressful. This is not to say we don’t surprise each other with things randomly. Or we decide on a gift we want for the house and just buy it, but we do discuss the finances before making the purchase. For birthdays we will go out to eat, order takeout or cook the other’s favorite meal . . . together. Which brings me to the next point . . .
3. We cook together.
This is something we have done since we moved in together at 19 years old. My love language is quality time, so this one is huge for me. It’s time we get to spend together, talking about our days, goals, and aspirations, tackling problems–sometimes we can even work through an argument. But we do it together.
4. Only one of us needs to be up at night with the baby.
This one may not work for all households, but for us, it was super important. Do I enjoy losing sleep every night? Definitely not, but I despise sleepless fighting even more. If one of us gets a full night’s rest, one of us is levelheaded and we aren’t fighting from exhaustion. If I am irritable because I got up with the baby every hour, he is way more patient with me because he slept.
Also, I am breastfeeding, so he’s not much help in that department. Sure, I could wake him up to change a diaper for me, but I’m already up with her so what is the point? Another reason for this decision was because my husband can sleep through a bomb going off and I wake up to a pin dropping. It would be way more of a hassle for me to try and wake him up when I am already likely awake.
5. We have a secret handshake.
This one is by far my favorite. It’s not really even about the handshake at all, it’s about the friendship and silliness we share. We made the handshake up in high school, and it just stuck. We even revealed it in our pregnancy announcement video.
If you aren’t best friends with your spouse, marriage is probably going to be much more stressful and communication may be harder. For us, before intimacy, romance, and all the gushy stuff, we are each other’s best friends and have been for over two decades before we even considered dating.
Surely you and your spouse have your own random things that work to make marriage less stressful, or maybe some of these will work for you. Always keep your relationship fun with open communication about your needs!
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
