Our Life on the Spectrum: How Autism Made Us Better Parents (Part 2)

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When this blog post was written, person-first language was the generally preferred convention for speaking about autism. We realize that terminology changes over time and there is current discussion and advocacy for the use of identity-first language. At ABQ Mom, we always seek to use the language that reflects the inherent dignity and worth of all people. We also respect the rights of our writers to select their own terminology when telling their own stories and that is why person-first language remains in this blog post.



Check out part one of this series, “Our Life on the Spectrum: How Autism Made Us Better Parents,” here. 

When our son Roman was two, he was diagnosed with level 2 Autism Spectrum Disorder. We were in complete shock. Of course, I blamed myself. I questioned my entire pregnancy. I analyzed everything I had done from the second I conceived up until that very moment. What did I do wrong? There had to be an explanation. But there wasn’t. There is no known cause for Autism. You just learn how to adapt. You learn how to live on the spectrum because Autism doesn’t just affect the child with the disorder, it affects the entire family.

Autism is a condition that impacts one’s developmental and communication skills. Symptoms include repetitive behaviors, language disorders, and sensory dysfunction. Roman had every symptom. He often “stimmed,” which is a behavior that he would display when feeling overstimulated. It included flapping his hands, humming, rubbing his forehead on the floor, and banging his head against hard objects. Roman had a very hard time eating because certain textures were too much for him. He couldn’t talk. He never laughed. Several doctors told us that he may never speak. So we began to learn sign language to communicate with him. It was a very sad time for our family. We felt hopeless.

ABA Therapy

Following Roman’s diagnosis, we were able to get into an amazing program for Applied Behavior Analysis therapy. Regardless of how difficult it was to watch, we knew it was our only chance in getting Roman the help he needed. He would spend 40 hours per week at a school working with a team of ABA therapists. The first few weeks were the hardest. I watched strangers raise my two year old from behind a one-way window, day in and day out. I had to let go and let God.

Every day I cried. Watching a child struggle is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced in my life. We hated leaving him and watching him reach for us in tears, screaming as we walked out the door. Our son couldn’t communicate with us but a mother knows. He was scared, and so were we.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Months went by. After countless meetings, doctor’s appointments, and home visits, we saw the light. First, Roman started learning simple words. Next, we noticed he was starting to engage with his sister. The bond they had became so strong that we included her in his therapy sessions, and we were able to get his cooperation by using her as his motivation. Slowly, we all became involved in the sessions, and it really helped Roman open up to us.

We were able to learn how to communicate with him in a way that he understood. It also helped us to understand where his struggles came from and put things into perspective. Also, my husband and I took parenting classes on how to raise children with ASD. Surprisingly, not only did this information help us with Roman, but we began applying certain principles to our daily routine with our other children and saw nothing but improvement from everyone.

What we thought was a diagnosis of doom became our family’s saving grace. We didn’t just learn how to communicate with our child, we learned how to communicate as a family.

Having a child on the spectrum requires a lot of patience, understanding, and let’s be honest . . . a whole lot of coffee! But learning how to create a structured, consistent environment for one child ended up working for all of us. Visual schedules, timed activities, and positive reinforcement are used every day in our home and not just for Roman. Mornings are smooth, mealtimes are fun, and our family time is better than ever.

This year Roman was taken out of special education and placed in a general education kindergarten class. And he has been seizure-free for a year and a half and proves doctors wrong every day.

He has opened our eyes, minds, and hearts to a world we never knew existed. Our family bond wouldn’t be as strong as it is today if it wasn’t for Roman’s diagnosis. I am a Christian, and there’s a verse in the Bible that I’m reminded of when I think about our situation. It comes from Thessalonians 5:18 and says, “Be thankful in every circumstance.” 

Originally published April 2019.



The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.