Being a parent in the age of the internet means you have access to a lot of information. While you can never be 100% prepared for all that goes along with parenting, you have some sort of idea of what you can expect from babies and toddlers. But advice about teens can be more elusive. It’s easy to find a guide on potty training but advice on teenage heartbreak is a whole other thing.
Advice About Teens Can Be Overlooked
Mommy blogs and internet communities focus a lot on babies, toddlers, and young children. Teens tend to get “neglected” in the parenting advice arena. Having parented four teens now, I strongly believe children need us more as teens than they do as babies and toddlers.
From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I instantly felt protective of my babies. I read all the blogs and did all the research. When I was pregnant I took all the “right” prenatals and avoided the feta. I heated my lunch meat and avoided sushi. I obsessed about car seats and chest clip placement each time I loaded one of my sweet babes into my car. Baby bottles and breastmilk? Yep, I obsessed about that too and then counted wet diapers and examined poop color.
On top of all the blogs and books, I joined all the mommy internet groups so I could beat myself up over things I had not even started worrying about or the car sears I couldn’t afford. When my babies were toddlers, I stressed about vegetable intake and potty training. For those sweet first years, I kissed their boo-boos and held their hands. I protected them and loved them with all my heart.
You Can’t Always Make It Better
Something I was not prepared for was the day I could not make it better. It was the day I had to help my teen through a heartbreak. I found lots of sleep training advice but limited advice on teenage heartbreak.
Having dealt with this a few times now, I have learned a few things about guiding a teen through this difficult time. The most important thing to remember is you cannot fix the situation but you can make it a little easier for them.
Listen and Validate Their Feelings
Do not tell them there are other people out there for them. That is not helpful, and I promise you, it will not make them feel better. And I cannot stress this enough, do not bad-mouth the ex. Even though your child is hurt and feeling rejected, bad mouthing their ex will not help and will likely hurt them more. Just listen to them, let them vent their feelings, and let them know you are here for them.
I personally shared some of my own teen heartbreaks with my children and let them know that I understood how they were feeling. Let your child know that you know they are hurting and assure them that they will feel better with time.
Let Them Have a Mental Health Day
It’s okay to let them have a mental health day for one day, once in a while. Give them a chance to re-group and refresh. Adults need mental health days and so do teens. Then encourage them back into their regular routine. Their regular routine of school and activities/sports are vital for them as well.
Social Media
For many of us, social media was not part of our lives when we were teens. When you broke up with someone, you saw them at school and then you went home. Now teens are surrounded by social media and that plays a big role. If you allow your child on social media, maybe encourage a little break for a bit.
Your Child Wants You to Check In
It may not seem like it, but I promise you, your child wants and needs you to check in with them. Invite them on an errand or sit with them in their room. Shoot them a text. My family texts each other a lot throughout the day. We have a family chat, and I regularly text my children individually. This is one way I connect with my teens. Sometimes, they are more comfortable telling me certain things via text.
Rejection Is a Reality of Life
As much as I would like to take all the pain of rejection from my children and carry it for them, that is just not realistic.
Rejection in school, relationships, and work is a part of life. It’s one of those not-so-fun-but-important life lessons for your child. Parenting a teenager is unique because you still love them with all your heart but protecting them becomes harder and harder.
Watching your child deal with heartbreak and rejection is brutal. I think part of that is because, as a mom, you carry part of your children’s feelings along with your own as you go through life. That is an emotional aspect of parenting that I was not quite prepared for.
Guiding your child through heartbreak is difficult. Love them through it, and all will be fine . . . for both you and your child.
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
