I was happily able to exclusively breastfeed our son for the first few months of his life. After that, I struggled with production and we began supplementing with formula. The immense guilt I felt when we started doing this is impossible to describe.
I felt horrible that I couldn’t produce enough breastmilk, which I knew was the best thing for baby to eat. And I worried about side effects from formula. I feared he wouldn’t be able to digest it well. And I worried over the expense, since my husband was in school at the time and we were living on a small budget. Mainly, I just felt that I had failed as a mother because I could not exclusively feed my son with my own milk.
Looking back on all this years later, I have a new perspective and have learned quite a bit since we first brought our baby home from the hospital.
I understand many factors that can contribute to low milk supply. Factors such as using a nipple shield, stress, diet, pumping, lip/tongue ties. And sometimes, our babies just eat a lot and we naturally can’t keep up. I know several other mothers for whom this was the case, and they all shared the same guilt I felt. But I have also spoken to mothers who have worked through this and reached a true and correct conclusion: as long as the baby is being fed and taken care of, you have no reason to feel guilty.
Formula is a great option, carefully tested and developed, and we are so fortunate to have it readily available here. I know there is a huge push to do things more naturally and promote breastfeeding, and believe me, no one is a bigger advocate of the benefits of breastmilk than me. But I am also very passionate about the fact that no mother should ever be shamed, guilted, or made to feel less than because they are not breastfeeding.
If I could go back and talk to the me as a new mother, I would tell her this: we were so fortunate to have a baby who took to formula and bottle feeding just fine, with no digestive issues. I was very fortunate to breastfeed for as long as I did.
But our baby had a HUGE appetite, and I struggled with inverted nipples and other issues which made breastfeeding hard. We were able to work the formula into the budget, and at the end of the day, we had a happy, healthy child. I should not have felt one iota of guilt for how we chose to feed our child–I should have only felt gratitude that there was more than one option, and that for us, it worked out so well.
I fought hard to breastfeed, but at the end of the day that journey didn’t go as smoothly as we wanted. What matters is doing what is right for you and your baby. And to all the mothers out there who are working so hard to do just that: keep going. You’re doing a great job.
